women, home, kids and careers OR blog comment gone wild

I commented so much on Sarah's post that I decided maybe I'd post it on my own blog. As a conversation starter, Sarah asks about the ability of women to live their calling and their passions while in a relationship. She writes:

We spoke at length about the desire (emotionally, physically, mentally, socially) to get married ("As old as Eve," she said.) in young women and whether or not they continue with the dreams that they had before they were married. It's a question that isn't very popular to ask because the fear is that women can't do both - they can't be a wife/mother AND follow their calling.

Someone anonymously posted in response articulating the belief that good mothers are those that stay home with their kids. Not that I'm against women staying home with there kids, just think there are so many many options. Oh, heck, just read this.

I a little bit disagree with Anon. First off, the notion that for women, marriage is inseparable from a life of homemaking, babymaking and childrearing is outdated. There are hundreds of other possibilities that allow women the opportunity to pursue a career and a family. And I don't just mean daycare. The father could stay home, while the mother could work. One or both parents could stay home part time. Grandparents and extended families could network to care for children. One or both parents could work from home. A nanny or au pair could be employed. Perhaps Anon hasn't thought of these things, but the ideal of the stay at home mom is a simplistic, in-the-box answer the question of parenting and homelife.

What about those families who simply need two incomes to live moderately above the poverty line? What about those families where the wife is better educated or more experienced and can bring home more money than her husband? What if the woman is called to work outside of the home?

I don't think that the ideal of the mother staying home to parent her children is wrong. But I don't think it's the only answer. (This is where feminist theory has perhaps left us bankrupt…it's aim was originally to create choice, instead it only modified the boundary of what is acceptable and what is not.) God gives women passions and callings just as he gives them to men. Perhaps this means postponing children. Perhaps this means living close to a network of extended family (as was traditional for centuries). Perhaps this means staying home...but not necessarily for the whole of your child's under-18 years.

And just generally, in a relationship (ring or no ring, married or not, and babies or none) is it possible to live your passions and your calling? Absolutely. Of course, the relationship must be healthy and must allow the two individuals (…crashing rivers, anyone?) to truly BE individuals. Sometimes women have this idea of love/marriage as an all-encompassing, all-fulfilling (read: all-consuming) thing. And honestly, it's not, and it shouldn't be. Andrew isn't and never will be absolutely everything because there's a number of other people in my life that fulfill me in different ways: my sister, my mom, my best friends...God. You know. And, for me, there are things I feel God is calling me to do and to be. I'm certain that one day I'll be a mother...and with God's grace I'll be good at it. But I'm also certain that I'll have a career...a life outside of my husband and my children. I think that's the only way that I will feel fulfilled and able to continuously live and give for my family.

So...to add to the confusion...generally, I think you follow your calling.