accidents and pretty things

It's interesting and somewhat striking how things work out...how things are. You know? Like, it's funny how snow makes everything seem pretty. For instance, usually I think telephone poles are among one of the ugliest things on earth. They're so...blah. Worse than blah. But a practical, very necessary blah. But one of those things you kind of wish you could just hide away. Anyway, snow does wonders for even them. Everything. Seems. Pretty. But at the same time as I rejoice in the changing seasons, there are some people who dread it...people whose very lives will be in danger because of the cold. It's hard to reconcile these two. I met a homeless guy today. We had tea together. He likes to sing and knows exactly what people pay what amount of money to hear him sing. On cold days like today he strategizes where he will go first so as to get as much money before heading in to a shelter as early as he can. He smiled when we said good-bye, and started to sing as I walked away. I think I will keep the image of a homeless man, in his bowler cap, singing with flakes of snow swirling around him. At least for a while.

Went out for lunch today with a friend. Someone he knew at the place we were eating asked him if we were on a date. I laughed...accidentally. And he sort of shiftily moved his eyes and awkwardly said, "Maybe we should talk about this later." I didn't know what to do and laughing was easist so I smiled and agreed. Ooops. Wonder if I can make that better somehow. Was I ever good at dating? Or even at understanding dating Can you become good at dating? I wonder if I can get lessons somewhere. I should probably look into that.

Made the front page of The Varsity today with Carolina regarding the Kosovo project. It's actually a pretty good article, though the photo kind of sucks. Meh. Check it out: www.thevarsity.ca.

non-boxed comfort

Homemade Macaroni and Cheese
Serves 8 after a mere 20 minutes prep time plus 1 hour and 40 minutes in the oven!! Also freezes will for those of you who are pre-planners for the sole reason that at some future date you will not have to pre-plan. If you are such a person, simply freeze in portion-sized OVEN SAFE (I made that mistake once...) containers. If you're more a "I'm-hungry-and-want-my-mac-and-cheese-now-and-only-now" kind of person, follow the recipe and then bake the last 20/30 minutes uncovered until golden and bubbling.

1 pound macaroni or other smallish pasta
Coarse salt
6 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
4 cups milk
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3 cups shredded sharp white cheddar cheese (12 ounces)
1 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese (2 ounces)
3 cups very coarse fresh breadcrumbs

1. Cook pasta (if you don't know how to do this, stop now). Drain, rinse, and return to pot.
2. Meanwhile, heat 4 tbsp butter in a saucepan over medium-high heat. Add flour; whisk for 1 minute. Add milk, cayenne, nutmeg, and 2 teaspoons salt; bring to a simmer...but never a boil. Cook/whisk until mixture is thick enough to coat the back of a spoon (2-3 minutes). Whisk in cheeses until smooth. Give the past a nice bath in the cheese. Put in baking dish(s).
3. Melt remaining butter (2 tbsp) and toss with breadcrumbs. Sprinkle over pasta. (Now, if you're the freezing type, pack up your dinners and freeze 'em.)
4. Preheat oven to 375° and put the dish (frozen or unfrozen). Cover with foil and bake until bubbling - 60-70 minutes for large dishes, 40-50 minutes for small dishes. Remove foil and continue baking until the top is golden.

never out

I am never out of brokenness.
Thank you for never being out of mercy, of grace, of truth, of hope...of love.






May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
-Psalm 19:14

working on the whole shepherd-sheep thing

It's funny how everything can be just going along all happy like and then, DONE. Oh, how cliche. Everyone writes that. Whatever. It's hard being far away when someone you love needs you. Especially for people who are used to doing things. Here I am, in Toronto, completely useless. And doctors get pissed off if you call them too much...learned that lesson already. Really, there are only so many flowers you can send before, I guess, you have to trust. It all seems to come back to that, these days.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restors my soul.
He guides me in paths of rightousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoit my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
-Psalm 23



Abba. Here I am again. Holding on...

mondays aren't so bad

Mmmmm. I flutter my eyes as my nose takes in the delicious aroma. Warm, dark...it weaves its way thoughout the house, rousing me from my sleep in the kindest way - like being cuddled awake. I turn over. Stretch. Sigh. Mmmmm. Feet on the floor, and then I'm stumbling to pour myself a mug. The first sip, and I've forgotten that I was awake only 10 minute earlier to start the pot.

Monday's aren't so bad.